It is so frightening when you sit in your room, in your bed, and you are scared of your own head and you look at all those places online you belong to and there is no one who would give a shit about you. All your friends are asleep and the last thing you can do is to write a sad note on tumblr because there is at least slightest chance someone will read it.
And it’s not even like the end of the world, because you know that tomorrow everything will be fine. But the fact that there is no one for you right not - to hug you, to tell you it’s alright, to give you tea - is worst than everything. Because tomorrow when everything will be like always no one will know and you can pretend you are fine. Your head is fine.Till the next time. How pathetic it is? Why can’t you be strong? Why do you have to do this? It is only a show, self pity, and you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. Only weak people do this. Strong people can get their shit together and fight. Nothing good comes to weak people.
And sometimes I just want to curl and cry but I am afraid I forgot how to cry. It took me too long to learn how to stop that now I don’t think I can do it anymore. And anyway, what is the reason for it? It won’t help, you won’t feel better and no one will come to check on you.
I want someone to hold me, to take care of me, to be patient and only for me. And this is so pathetic…